Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my poor anus
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
