I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
