My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
God, I missed his penis.
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