yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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