someone threw a dead crab at me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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