I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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