I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
