im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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