I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have aggressive nipples.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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