I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
