Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
