Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
