normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
