i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
