i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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