New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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