very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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