I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
