i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just pee around me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
