Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're too hungover to prance.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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