The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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