hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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