I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
