alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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