I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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