well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
