I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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