everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
