I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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