I swear she didn't look like that last week.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
