when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need moral support for this bender
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
