dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
