that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Couch. On fire.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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