either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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