Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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