How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
