Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
