So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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