I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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