I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
