dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
