i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
