You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
