but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
