Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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