She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
