this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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