Jerry, you need to find god
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
