Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
