My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
