Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We got so high we made milksteak
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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