so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
